If one wants to really understand human behavior, one must solve a paradox. One must remove oneself from bias and exist in an objective, logical realm while still maintaining some degree of human emotion. Take for example a disagreement between two people. If you don’t view the situation objectively you will likely become defensive of your opinions and fail to come to a mutual agreement due to stubbornness and excessive emotion. However, if you view the disagreement in a purely objective, logical way you will almost certainly lose touch with human compassion and understanding resulting in a cold solution that will also fail to reach a middle ground.
Once again, like almost everything else, relationships are about balance. The art of constructive communication is a fine balance between objective logic and emotion. This is what Freud was referring to when he spoke of the id, ego and superego. The super ego can be thought of as the objective logic rules, the id can be thought of as the blind emotion and the ego is the mediator that achieves the fine balance. I like to think of this interaction like an A/C current. This type of current changes direction thousands of times a second giving the illusion of a continuous illumination from a light bulb that is receiving the current. When you are engaging in balanced communication the light bulb turns on. When you are being stubborn or cold, the light will turn off.
It can be very difficult to remember to balance your mind when you are engaged in a personal disagreement, especially with a loved one. However, as Ludwig Wittgenstein said “Words and chess pieces are analogous; knowing how to use a word is like knowing how to move a chess piece”. If you don’t have something constructive to add, you are moving further away from a solution.
My Perception Exposition 